I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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