So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize