I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
