Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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