dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
