she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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