that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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