Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
