Me. At least after what I've been through.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
