I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
