i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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