He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
