eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
