Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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