Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
