The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
