Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize