i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
