Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
