Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
