Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize