u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
