he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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