I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
