We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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