no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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