I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
