Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Of course I have a pirate flag
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
