It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
