I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
