I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
