Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.

Fav 15 1258 4085
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(613): View more from Ontario

My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian

Fav 63 8851 1022
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(818): View more from California

I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.

Fav 19 7298 1173
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(678): View more from Georgia

How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?

Fav 22 1749 6090
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'

Fav 8 1549 4225
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(980): View more from North Carolina

Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?

Fav 12 2954 969
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(763): View more from Minnesota

Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.

Fav 1 1718 746
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(904): View more from Florida

I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.

Fav 0 102 131
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants

Fav 0 112 15
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