I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
