You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize