Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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