also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
