I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
