i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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