One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
