people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
