he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
