4 words: hood of his car
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize