I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I want her autograph on my taint
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
