Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
