whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
