I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
