you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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