I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I touched a dick in church today
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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