She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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