nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
