yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
