i can't believe i had my finger in that
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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