@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
