theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
