bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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