I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
