He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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