The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
do herpes really smell.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
