one might say we're banned from that church
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
