we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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