Well apparently he's into motor boating.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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