im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize