How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
