GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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