worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
