is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
