If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
