I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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