I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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