Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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