I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
