I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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