just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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