Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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