In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
