You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
