Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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